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This Is How You Should Love A Woman With A Troubled Past

Before you say what you’re about to say; before you do what you’re about to do, pause for a while. And read this because you need to be careful.

Be careful with the woman you’re with.

She’s fragile. She’s bursting at the seams from incidents, mistakes and lessons from the past—the loss, betrayal, abandonment and aggression of love—in so many forms and from so many people—all gone wrong. But she doesn’t show it. She doesn’t want you to see the battered side of her; or what’s left of it. She doesn’t want you to be hurt or alarmed. She doesn’t want to scare you away or take you off-guard. You see, for once in her life, she sees something lasting for good. For once, she sees the good through and through someone’s soul. She sees someone who won’t take from her without anything at all. For once, she sees a person who is good and kind and will give as much as they get, or maybe more. And to be completely honest, she’s never felt luckier; a little scared even that she might jinx it all. She’s used to things and people being too good to be true. And that’s why she wants to preserve one of the few good things, or souls in her life, by not tarnishing your mental image with her past experiences. And that’s why you don’t see what I’m about to show you; that’s why you will never know what I’m about to tell you because she will never say it.

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Be careful with the woman you’re with for she has been through a lot. And you don’t know the half of it. Sure, she’s told you stories about her past; incidents that left her scarred. But, you weren’t there to witness it with her. You don’t know what it’s really like. She’s seen storms stir up and she’s been in the middle of it. She’s see battles start and end, leaving her bruised. No, the battle didn’t break her. But, it broke the spirit in her to see what it did to those she cared for.

She’s seen things blow up right in front of her eyes. So, don’t blame her for being too scared of coming too close.

Be careful with the woman you’re with. You don’t know what she’s been through—from trivial fights to abusive episodes; from depressive states to domestic violence. She’s watched as love turned sour and upturned everything in its way. She’s seen the warmth of a loved one turn into the wrath of betrayal. She’s seen aggression stem from nothing and nowhere and ruin the very core of a person. And she’s stood helpless not knowing what to do. She’s seen people hurt; she has hurt alongside. She’s seen anxiety ruin a person and panic destroy a place. She’s seen tears and scars; fire and flood. She’s burned and drowned; and cried and bruised.

Be careful with the woman you’re with because she’ll never let you into her darkness in fear of having consumed you with it. She will keep you where the light shines brightest so she can always see you happy.

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And so, take her gently by the hand; assure her that you don’t scare easily. That you will be standing right where you are—next to her—even after she has shown you the darkest parts of her soul. Cajole her; she will need it more than once, just like she would need your reassurance, time and again; each time as gentle, but more pressing than the last. You’ll see her cry; and when she does, it will either be tiny sniffles or silent sobs that leave both of you speechless. Be there when she cries, hold her safely so she knows no harm will come to her; that she’s not going to get hurt. Let her know that unlike the others who let the tears dry off her cheeks as she lay exhausted and spent from all the sorrow, you will wipe away each drop that leaves her eyes; that you will console her, even when she is inconsolable.

She’s been to the abyss and feared never being able to get out of it. She’s been to the peak and feared falling off into nothing. She’s felt the hurt—physical, mental and emotional. Some scars have healed; others, not so much. Some scars still show through the marks on her skin; others, not so much. But, it’s the ones that she’s hiding; the ones that can’t be seen that she’s still battling. When you see her scars—which will take time and patience—caress them for they are a part of her now. They made her what she is—bittersweet and rough around the edges. Be the healing she needs in the most desperate of times. And know that there will be many such times.

How To Love A Woman With A Troubled Past© Pexels

Be careful with the woman you’re with because she’s apprehensive of you being just like the others in the past. She’s afraid of you being the sum total of all the men in her life; even the women because it’s strange how so much of the betrayal comes from the ones who are supposed to understand you most. She’s afraid that you will do exactly what all of them did. She’s afraid you’ll remind her of her father. She’s afraid that the aggression and the violence will only be history repeating itself yet again. She’s afraid that you’ll prove her right; that her worst fears will have finally been realized. She’s afraid; haunted by her past. Show her that there are no more ghosts; only shadows in the background and those don’t matter as long as there’s even a little light in the room. Be there to hold her when the fear comes back to grip her.

The woman you’re with is counting on you; taking every word you say literally, hanging on to it for longer than you meant it. She’s collecting every single moment spent with you; turning it into a lifetime. She’s making a note of who you are and what you stand for; hoping against all hope that you stay true to your words; to whom you were when you first met her. She’s hoping that you meant what you said a year ago, even today and every tomorrow that follows. So be aware of every time you use the word ‘promise’. She expects you to mean it; hopes that you would keep it.

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Be careful of the woman you’re with. She’s breakable even if she doesn’t look like it. She’s gone a bit crazy from all the madness in her past. She’s become a little bitter from all the lessons her naïveté taught her. She’s whole; but with a few cracks every here and there. And every time you flare up she startles just a little. After all those years, she still isn’t use to the violence; let alone the anger. Sure, she tries to go on like it doesn’t matter to her anymore; that the harsh words you say and the strength you use doesn’t bother her. But, inside she’s tense and nervous as a wreck; afraid that her worst fears are being realized. And every time you fall short of that realization is every time she’s giving thanks to the unknown that keeps you from unraveling. She wants the best for you but, she worries that it may come at a price of her own being. She wants to be with you through it all; but she fears it would be at the price of losing herself and you, in the process.

She needs your patience—every last ounce of it. And it will take you all your energies; maybe even your entire lifetime; but muster the patience and give it to her. She’ll do the same for you. Be the element that calms her; not the one that upsets her core.

How To Love A Woman With A Troubled Past© Pexels

Be careful of the woman you’re with because she seems to have it all figured out; but, she really doesn’t. She’s letting you believe she’ll do just fine without you; but, she may no longer know what being without you is like. She’s letting you believe that she doesn’t care all that much just so it doesn’t bother you as much. But, she cares about you more than herself and it’s frightening. She’ll never let go off your hand out of fear that you might jump off the ledge. But, she’s afraid that she might slip off, herself.

And you acting the way that you do; using the words that you do isn’t helping. Sure, she’s walking away, acting like she doesn’t give a damn. But, it’s only because if she stays, she may never want to leave; even when you’re ready to go. She’s finding it hard to hold on; but she’s never letting go. Why? Because, it’s you. And for you, she’s ready to do it all over again; but, she prays that you’re worth it. And what else do you expect her to do anyway? Even if you don’t expect anything at all, it’s easy for you to say. But here’s the thing about that woman—it’s not about whether or not you expect anything from her; it’s about what she’s going to do for you, anyway. Secretly she wants you to expect the moon from her. Because, secretly, she wants to give you the moon.

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So, be careful with the woman you’re with. She’ll give everything she has for you without you ever asking; without you ever knowing. Be careful because she will give her all for you. And you may not be ready for that because you don’t even know what you want yet. But, be careful, because she knows that all she wants from you, is you.

Expect all the good from her; and let her expect in return. Expect the trials and tribulations—they’ll be many to face. But, they’ll be worth it. Stand up to her expectations; they aren’t many. All she wants is for you to be good and true. And all you want is for her to see you for you. Let her in, apprehensions and all. And let yourself in, just the same; aggression and all. But, tread slowly with her heart; her emotions. They’re still cluttered and cowering; they’re learning how to be brave. Encourage her to brave it out and brave it out alongside her. She wants your surety; nothing more.

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Source of news : Mensxp

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